Spark: Someone shares with me one of the many “baby fist-bumping” memes.

Thought one: It’s funny how babies sometimes take on adult expressions the complex emotions under which they can’t possibly feel. That baby looks gangsta.

Thought two: I wonder if the “H O L D F A S T” tattoo on the knuckles of the old sailor in Master and Commander were representative of a genuine 19th century trend of spelling knuckle tattoos, or if they were an anachronism based on modern-day gang/prison culture.

Thought three: If a fist-bumping baby had spelling knuckle tattoos, what four-letter word(s) would they spell? I once knew a guy with “W E E D” on his knuckles. What would be the baby equivalent of drug enthusiasm?

Thought four: Continue reading →

(To the tune of OneRepublic’s Counting Stars)

Lately, I’ve been
I’ve been losing sleep … dreaming about how wealthy we could be.
‘Cause Raymond, I’ve been
I’ve been gaming hard.
Now, no more counting toothpicks, we’ll be counting cards.

I see our luck
Going up tonight
We’ll fly up high just like a kite
In my face are flashing lights
I know you’ll pick the numbers right

A savant, that’s a trait we want
A wiz, keep it nonchalant
And let’s not let your skills be known
We don’t want your cover blown

IIIIIIIIII … am a really good driver, around in the driveway…

Eighty-two, eighty-two, eighty-two
Ten minutes to Wapner … I farted in the booth!

Lately, I’ve been
I’ve been losing sleep … dreaming about how wealthy we could be.
‘Cause Raymond, I’ve been
I’ve been gaming hard.
Now, no more counting toothpicks, we’ll be counting cards.

– co-written with Ron Gullekson